AGAIN

Post off...again.

Laying in the hospital, waking up from surgery.  Same feelings, same pain...how many times????

I have decided that I do not like hospitals.  That complete helplessness of doing for yourself.  Totally dependent on others for everything.  Leaving total control to basically complete strangers.  Don't get me wrong, I have had great care and I think am a very compliant patient.  However, no one really wants to be there and the reasons they are there are not good ones.

I am now into the why me phase of this third cancer journey.  It wasn't enough to go thru it two other times?  Please tell me this is not Karma.......I am just feeling sorry for myself and have to keep telling myself there are so many others in this world that have it so much worse than me...and there really are.

I am doing great considering what I have gone thru, but it hurts and I am weak (not my best feeling) and of course the depending on others.  Especially Jennifer, she has enough on her plate and I feel guilty and proud.  Not everyone have children that will take care of them when needed and I am very fortunate to have her.

 

I Don't Know...

why it is so hard for me to post on Facebook, especially about the new cancer.  I have asked Jennifer to be my spokesperson.  Maybe it distances me from it all...maybe it is too personal...I don;t want it to sound like whining instead of informational, who knows.....

I want family and friends to know what it going on.  I could e-mail all and then that ends up being a full time event of keeping up with everyone.  No, Facebook is the best avenue.  AND, right now I am in the doctors' offices or getting tests daily it seems.  Because of the surgery coming up fast there are lots of paperwork and plans that need to be in place (you know, all of those what ifs) .

I believe I am an optimistic person, but boy, sometimes it is hard to stay UP.

Just needed to say this.

It's Back

Pancreatic CANCER.  What the?????

I was pretty sure that IT was not done with me.  I didn't think it would be so soon.  Another bad one.  I have found a very good Oncologist and Surgeon.  Really thorough, informative and great personalities.  So, I feel like I am in good hands.

Waiting now for surgery to be scheduled.  There are lymph glands involved and a couple of other issues.  Not sure about after therapy.  Lots to think about.

There is nothing I can do about it...It truly is what it is.