Update

 Well, it seems the morphine I have been on is no longer working for me. nor is the slow and quick release so I am graduating to Methadone and Hydromorphone starting 3/9/22.  Has a lag time of 5 days possible so might have to do some adjusting which could include a 5 day in-patient stay.

So tonight was a kind of reality check on my part.  I have tried to be really brave and ahead of all of this but it really got to me tonight.  Why can't I just die?  Why does it take so long.  Why do you have to go thru all the meds, pains, ups and downs?!  I don't like it when I lose control and start crying.  I have always been that way, be the strong one.  I don't know why I am that way but I have always been.  I do cry when my kids and/or loved ones are hurting but a strong upper lip is what I try to be/have. So I needed to just get really down and out and cry it all out of my system and move on.

So, now on the second dose and so far so good.  I will continue to do the updates.  I hope this does not turn into a tear jerker and more informative.

Update

 Well, it's now the first of March and the body is definitely changing.  Jennifer got a few books to check out  the dying process, etc.  So far they are very interesting reading and pretty much spot on as I read.  It starts out with general information but then it gets more detailed as time goes on.  Like 1-3 weeks, etc.

I have noticed that my abdomen is sore inside and outside.  I am having a lot of headaches and being dizzy every time I would stand up.  I have noticed that my balance is not good.  Being dizzy doesn't help of course, but it seems time for either a cane or walker to help with the balance.  We will see how that works out.

We have upped the mg of morphine which I hope is helping both slow and quick release.  I seemed to be using the quick release a lot more now.  The slow release is still three times a day.

As I am still reading there is more to find out as to what the rest of the process will be.